Sunday, April 20, 2014

Psalm 145 - My Reminder

Psalm 145
I was sitting in church this morning celebrating the Resurrection of my beloved Jesus Christ.  I began to write a To Do List for my of the things I wrote down was to read Psalm 145.  Not because I knew what it said.  Not because I regularly read from the Bible.  But because something made me write down the number 1-4-5.  I figured that if it was something important, God would speak to me through this random number I have pulled out of thin air.  So, God spoke...

1-2 I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever.  Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever.

It brought tears to my eyes.  I sit and think that my God deserves my praise and my exaltation every day for ever and ever.  I have fallen short...I have given up on tithing, praying, spending time with Him.  I am so ashamed.  I love my God.  I want to know that I have the utmost faith in Him.  I just sit and think about the times I have praised Him and He has always provided, then I sit and think of the times I didn't turn to Him when I needed to most.  I think of the times that I do not praise Him for the blessings I have received.  I am ashamed...So, God continued to speak...

3-7 Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom.  One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts.  They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty, and I will meditate on your wonderful works.  They will tell of the power of your awesome works, and I will proclaim your great deeds.  They will celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness.

I cannot "fathom" his greatness, but I will not hesitate to say that it is Him that brought me back to life.  He is the one who provides for me.  He is the one that I should rest and meditate on whenever I have time.  He gives me direction, purpose, and love.  When I read this, I could just picture a gathering hall of young people that have come to hear the Word of God and they look to me.  They ask me why I have so much faith in someone they cannot see.  I know this answer...God has worked miracles in my life, God have guided me, God has loved me at my worst to date.  I don't know what He has in store for me in the future, but I do know that He is not done with me.  I feel the need to move forward and toward Him.  So, God kept speaking...

8-13 The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich to love.  The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.  All you have made will praise you, O Lord; your saints will extol you.  They will tell of the glory of your kingdom and speak of your might, so that all men may know of your mighty acts and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.  Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations.

My God understands me.  He loves me.  Though I have fallen short, He understands me.  He is there with open arms to bring me close.  I want to set aside fear.  Fear of non-acceptance, fear of falling, fear of happiness, fear of not being in control, fear of being alone, fear of not being successful, fear of losing anything...I can keep making a list.  But, I ask myself why do I fear these things if God is with me?  I constantly fight this.  So, God reminds me...

13-16 The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made.  The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.  The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time.  You open your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing.

Wow!  Mind-blowing!  It's like I was meant to read this.  He always amazes me.  Promises that I know He can fulfill will be honored.  He picks me up when I fall like I have done so recently.  He is amazing!  There is a "proper time."  I don't need to force anything.  Just with this reading, I have been fed, restored, and loved.  How can I honor Him?  How can I honor my God whom has never waivered from His love for me.  I just sit in tears.  I am speechless.  I love you, God!  So, He continued with...

17-20 The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made.  The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.  He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.  The Lord watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy.

He reminds me.  I must call on Him and I am loved.  I am watched and protected by Him.  I am blessed!  I can say that I am a new person from after being reborn in 2000, but I cannot say that I have always been led by God.  I had a very quick lesson on "right and wrong" when the law got a hold of me but I can say that God held me, protected me, loved me, fought for me when I couldn't find my way.  I love you, God!

Dear God, 
You have caught off guard many times.  Today, you have done it again.  I love you and I praise you for everything you have provided for me.  I exalt your name and praise you with all my heart and soul.  I have fallen and you have picked me up.  When I call, you are there.  You protect me.  You loved me first and I have known that you are all knowing and always present in my life, but I have not given you the proper praise.  I am taking this time to make right what I have forgotten in the past few months.  You know my deepest desires and I hope one day I do find a partner that will share this journey with me.  You know my fears and I know that I should not be fearful because you are by my side at all times.  I have the desire to spread your Word, but I get so emotional that I can't seem to get the words out without a dry eye.  You just cut so deep to the truth that I feel you speaking to me and telling that life is going to be okay, that life is just a small portion of time that we have to spread your glorious name, that life is community with other Christians.  I hear you.  I love you. I will praise you all the days of my life.  In Jesus name, AMEN

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Girl In Translation...

Beauty only goes skin deep.  Do you remember this being said to you?  Do you remember ever rolling your eyes at your lecturer and rehearsing in your mind, "Easy for you to say," because they were either married, with a wonderful family, they were beautiful themselves, or they were horrendous looking and nothing will help them anyways.  Why am I at the crossroad where there seems to be no one else to share it with?  Why did I have that depressing dream last night of being in a place that reminded me how alone I feel.  Where was my family?  Where were my friends?  I think they were there, but it still didn't suffice.  This is not meant to take away from their great contribution they have made to my growth as a person emotionally and spiritually.  They are integral parts to my life that I would not trade in for everlasting happiness that doesn't include them.

Lately, a force is making me focus on how alone I feel.  Why is this?  I know that God will fulfill all my needs as they are truly needed.  I feel out of focus.  I want to be in focus.  I pray that in the near future that God brings peace and fulfillment that overcomes this weak and lonely feeling.  I pray that He brings into my life a partner that I can share my love and time.  Quiet love, everlasting love, true love... Love that surpasses the irrelevant things in life and grows to be an example to my family and future children that love based on God's love is the best and most secure love that one can ever be blessed with.   

Monday, December 12, 2011

Things I Should Have Said...

To a man that I work with...

Did it ever occur to you that you mention that we are very much alike, yet I don't see the similarities.  I appreciate the time you have put into guiding us, but when it comes down to it, will the administration ever see that overtime will never win over documentation?  Firing me for getting too much overtime will not make me lose my license as a physical therapist, but making me take time out of my day because I have gone into overtime before I finish my documentation can lead to very bad documentation...and THAT, sir, will make me lose my license. 

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Be the one God chooses!

Genesis 4-7:
When God realized that the Earth He created was filled with evil and corruption He decided to do something about it.  He chose to erase His work and start over with humans that were worthy and "right."  I want to be this person.  I want to be the one He chooses when everything around us is falling apart.  I want to be the one that He calls on to make changes.  If you knew me, you would think otherwise.  This is what I want to fix.  I want you to meet me think nothing else.  When God chose Noah, there was no evidence of Noah's skepticism in his faith.  Noah was strong, he did what he was told with no questions asked.  He followed God's will and he saved the human race with his faith.  My life should be lived for NOT only me, but to save others as well.  I want God to use me to be someone that can guide others and help others.  I can see this through physical therapy.  When a patient is losing hope, I want to lift them up.  Each and everyone of us should get the chance to fulfill and experience what God has in store for us.

I do not want to be someone that lives my life hoping good things will happen to me, I want to live it and make God things happen to me.  I want to be the one that God chooses amongst a crowd of sinful, corrupt humans.  But, of course, what I want doesn't matter.  If it is in my future, it will happen, in God's time. 

Cain & Abel

The wonders of God's ability to create and prosper. (St. Petersburg, FL)

Genesis 4-7:
There isn't only one thing that sticks in my mind when I read these chapters.  I was moved by the complexity and inner battle of Cain and Abel.  I couldn't help by notice that there are times that I feel like Cain.  But there are times when I feel like Abel.  What makes this feeling?  Is it the need for control, the need for acceptance, the need to be appreciated?

A while back, I was working in a job that was not something I wanted to do for the rest of my life.  I liked it because it left me alone, I had some control, and I got paid.  I felt that I worked hard.  I felt that the harder I worked, the more they expected.  The more they expected led me think that I deserved more in return.  My mentality was, "so what are you going to give me for it?"  I felt that what I did was worth something.  Sadly enough, it didn't turn out very well at that job.

How often do I find myself expecting recognition?  How often do I expect to be compensated for what I do?  I can honestly say that it is less now than what it was 10 years ago!  Maybe even 5 years ago!  I have different outlook on life.  I have learned that what you do is used to respect others.  What I do is used to show my respect to not only my family, friends, enemies, but also, and more importantly, to God.  Today, my goal is to be aware and acknowledge my need for recognition, acceptance, and compensation.  From there, understand that how I act and what I do is a reflection of my love for God.

It was eye-opening when God spoke to Cain saying that He has provided everything for his crops and everything for his well-being.  Is it not fitting to bring the best of what he has to the Lord, if the Lord is what provided his ability to succeed?  This is true!  This is what I must do.  I must constantly understand that everything that I am given and blessed with is given to me by the blessing of God.  It is only fitting to take the time to worship and praise Him with everything that He has provided for me. 

Monday, October 18, 2010

A year devoted to God!

Why is it that when things are going well, I fail to thank the one that has made all things happen. I have chosen to dedicate this year of reading to the one who is responsible for my existence. Who is that? God.

Genesis 1-3:
God is amazing. I can imagine my Father sitting or standing in a sea of emptiness and creating the world as we know it. The light, the dark, the sky, the water, the sun, moon, stars, and life in a week! The seventh day was for rest. I would like to dedicate all my Sundays to his worship. I promise my full attention and love to God. He took the time to make my world and I shall praise His accomplishments. I never knew that Man named the animals on earth. I never fully understood how life began. This is my goal in this year, to understand the presence and life of God. This is my journey, in a year, to deepen my walk with God and make a commitment to his worship and praise. I will highlight passages of significance to me and my growth as a Christian.